I guess I should start this story with the abbreviations that will be in it for some anonymity. Here we go:
- BM = Birth Mother (although some like to use Baby Mama, I prefer to keep it a little more classy)
- DH = my Darling Husband
- SD = my Step Daughter, child of BM and DH (who were never married)
- SF = Step Father, BM’s husband
The first time I met BM, she invited us (or rather just DH perhaps) into her home. DH promptly introduced me, so I stuck out my hand and said, “Nice to me you,” with a smile. She did not look at me, speak to me, or shake my hand. It stung a little bit, but I brushed it off. Dealing more with her I’ve learned to figure out that “whenever [I feel] hostility from someone, [I assume] that it [is] their problem rather than mine.” (Russell 53). Although I am not always able to apply this to everyone, it most definitely goes for BM every time.
I first started talking on the phone with DH in February of 2011 and met him a week or so later. We had met on a dating site and I knew he had a daughter. I was more nervous about meeting her than her father. Most guys I’ve dated never let me meet their kids, which I can totally understand. So in my first meeting of a potential step child, I wasn’t exactly confident about the situation even though I had worked with kids for three years and was really good at my job.
One day, DH and I were at my house and BM called him to see if he wanted to go to a concert. That’s when I was brought up to BM. I couldn’t hear the whole conversation, but it sounded like she thought I’d be just a fling. I don’t blame her since I was the first woman DH had dated since he had broken up with BM. To me, the relationship seemed to be pretty amicable (I mean, she WAS inviting him to a concert) and I had the knowledge that DH was getting SD every weekend. DH also paid BM money basically whenever she asked for it…usually around $400 a month for daycare and other things SD needed.
Unfortunately, once I entered the picture, DH saw SD less and less, and in April BM filed for child support. Too bad for her she was only awarded $151 a month because she was making more money that DH at the time (even though she had told child support services that she was not working at the time.) She then filed for sole custody of SD, probably because she was pissed about the child support and the fact that I still wasn’t going away. (WHY does she care when she’s got a man of her own?!)
Our long custody battle will be posted in a later blog, but I feel like I should end this one with a little background on BM. She was married before she met DH and had two children. When they split up, her ex-husband got sole custody of their two kids and moved three states away. She now only sees them in the summer for one week. Something that still baffles me today is that she claims her ex husband is the most wonderful, caring father to their children, while DH is just a deadbeat.
This is nowhere near the end of this saga so stay tuned!! 🙂